How Do I Know He’s “The One?”
As a mentor to quite a few young women, including my own daughters, I’ve been asked this question a number of times. I’ll share a bit of the advice I’ve given over the years.
Ask yourself, “Can I imagine growing old together?”
This is a very important question, since I believe marriage is a ‘til-death-do-us-part commitment. It’s often easy to imagine spending a year or two with someone. But picture yourselves when you are both aging… Will you be that cute old couple, shuffling down the street, holding hands?
It’s like Lennon-McCartney song, When I’m Sixty-Four.
When I get older, losing my hair
Many years from now,
Will you still be sending me a valentine,
birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I’d been out till quarter to three,
Would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me,
When I’m sixty four?
Ask yourself, “Would I want to live without him?”
You reach a point, with the one you love, where you cannot imagine life without that person. Hopefully, you will recognize this before you have to make the decision of whether to commit to marriage. You won’t always have those endorphins that come at the beginning of a relationship—the ones that make you all giddy inside. But you reach a point where you realize you want this man to be by your side for the rest of your life (even if he sometimes makes you so mad you want to scream.)
Ask yourself, “Do I need him to make myself feel complete?”
The answer should be an emphatic, “No.” If you don’t feel like a whole person, you’re not ready to commit to marriage. You cannot depend on your husband to bring you happiness or make you feel complete. That’s parasitism, instead of symbiosis. Marriage is about partnership, working side-by-side, living two separate lives, while supporting each other in unconditional love. You are a unique and wonderful person who doesn’t “need” someone else to find fulfillment in life. Figure that out first. Now, you’re ready to commit to another “whole” person, and both of you will benefit from that relationship.
Ask yourself, “Am I willing to work hard every day and never give up?”
Marriage is hard work. If someone tells you otherwise, they are lying. And you must be willing to work at marriage even on days when, “You’ve lost that loving feeling.” Love is so much more than an emotion.
It’s like life… Some parts are fun, and some parts are awful. Some days you feel great, and others you feel like giving up. In life, you can’t commit suicide even when you are going though a terrible time. And in a relationship, it’s the same. You can’t quit. No matter how painful, you must stay committed and keep working. Better days will come! (Please note: I’m not talking about remaining in an abusive relationship.)
I hope this advice is helpful to someone out there who has found the right guy, but is afraid to take the leap of commitment. I will admit I’m a hopeless romantic, but after thirty-four years of marriage, I’ve earned the right to be one. I wish everyone could be blessed to have the kind of relationship I’ve had.
About the Author:
Elyssa Rose has delicate flowers in her hands and a muscular guy on her mind.
The talented owner of A Rose in Bloom is determined to make a success of her floral business. And she doesn’t want or need a man’s help or interference! But trouble shows up in the form of her handsome, but antagonistic, neighbor, Jaxon McCall, a gym owner whose sole purpose is to buy her building.
Jaxon McCall once had his eye on Elyssa’s building, but now he can’t take his eyes off her.
Attraction draws them together, even as their stubborn personalities drive them apart.
Author Note: A Rose in Bloom is a serial story– thirty-six short parts, combined into one complete novella.
Check out all of her Books:
The Alora Series—Young Adult Fantasy
The Best Girls Romantic Comedy Series
Sweet Romance Books
Tamie is giving away: a $15 gift card and the winner’s choice of any two e-books.